"Now what are you running from?" finally answered...

Seaside, OR after our 96mi biking day out of Washington

 To all of you that have ever made a drastic life change or just felt the need to get out, I'm sure you're familiar with the ever-popular question, "What are you running from now?". To say that my life choices have been a bit different from that of my peers over the course of the years would be a drastic understatement. So I would like to take this opportunity to give the reasoning to my logic and life choices in one easy to access, carefully compiled, and mildly vague explanation in one user-friendly draft that can easily be referred to.
  I will admit that as of recent I have felt extraordinarily defeated. Prior to returning to Illinois to start nursing school, I felt as if I was on top of the world. Like I could conquer anything. Go anywhere, be free and be gone at will. A volunteer trip to the Dominican Republic while I was at the U of I showed me that there was indeed a different way of life, and ever since then I'd been attempting to capture that way of life with quite a bit of success. I've always known that material goods were not my cup of tea. I never longed for the "hard wood floors and nice appliances" or stable jobs that my peers would commonly discuss. It was with great relief that I boarded a plane to Australia and soon thereafter India as those were the memories that I would take from college, not the physical degree and expensive piece of paper, not the days spent sitting in class or in the now forgotten labs. It was the built relationships, memories, and experiences I longed for and still hold dear. However, before each exodus out of the country, there were always those people that would always make the infamous comment: "What are you running from?" or my personal favorite: "You can't always run from your problems". The only answer that I could ever really give, that these sort of individuals could understand, is that I'm not running from anything, quite the contrary actually. I'm trying to run to something. Something that is more than this life and bigger than this community. Something that has been lost in our consumerist and capitalist society. I'm running to shear happiness and the freedom to explore beyond the societal constraints felt at home.
   I firmly believe that the happiest moments of my life stem from the time spent living out of my backpack these past few years. The moments shared between complete strangers that I couldn't communicate with, where the laughter shared between us allowed us to know that there is something deeper than meaningless words that bound us all together. The complete freedom felt while I was playing "Capture the Pig" in the schoolyard of the rural school I taught at in the Republic of Georgia was a feeling I'll never forget. The ease of the laughter and the smiles that helped foster a profound love for children I may never see again as we chased a pig running wild in the schoolyard filled with broken glass and animal feces. There is so much more to this life than merely acquiring material possessions that we'll ultimately feel the need to hold onto and secure for the rest of our natural lives. I hope I never own a home. This one small measure would completely alleviate any pressure to hold onto a job that I hate out of necessity. Owning a home would forbid me from saying "Yes!" to any opportunity that presents itself to me. The ability to take beautiful opportunities that organically present themselves as you put yourself out there and expose yourself to new cultures and people is what makes life worth it. I would have never been able to go to Azerbaijan or Georgia had I wifed up after college or taken a full time job that does nothing for society other than consume my time.
     I sit and listen to the lives of my friends from college and realize that that life isn't for me. The months spent living out of a tent

and "stealth camping" in people's backyards while cycling down the West Coast opened my eyes to the good that innately exists in the world. Being able to pack up my shelter and come and go at whim was a freedom that I continually crave. If I had a few expensive certifications attached to my name people would call me a sociologist or a cultural anthropologist, a linguist or an ethnogeographer. However, seeing as I feel life experience is more valuable than sitting in a classroom and paying a shit ton of money to learn "theory".. I am referred to as a hippie or a vagabond instead. Both of which frankly I'm okay with. My grandfather warmly calls me Gypsy Rose... which I feel actually rather fond of.
  I tried the "normal" life. I really did. I gave up everything. I packed up my only pair of pants and my two shirts that constituted all of my belongings, left the farm that I landed on by luck in Sacramento, and came back to Illinois to satisfy society's request. I returned home to my then semi-serious boyfriend, a year long lease, an attempt at a second bachelors in nursing, and a night job in the hospital. It took months of a foggy depression to realize the root of what was making me so unhappy. I didn't fit in here. It was evident. Upon telling classmates that I had just returned from cycling from Canada to California, their initial response was promptly telling me that I was crazy followed by "and what did your boyfriend think?". The decision to drop out of nursing school was by far the best, yet most

Kev and me in Wyomming

temporarily debilitating, decision thus far. While I was so incredibly excited to get back out of there and to stop perpetuating a system that ethically I cannot believe in nor support, it was also terrifying to stop and think, "Okay, so now what?". Within a month of dropping out of school, my boyfriend of a year and half that I desperately loved and cared for broke up with me. So in true Nygaard fashion, within the next week I was out of my lease and commencing the search for whatever is next. I loved Kevin, I really honestly did.
However, I think I subconsciously realized that he was the last string that connected me to my peers here and I truly believe I was clinging onto him for dear life. People don't really get my lifestyle, but they could at least connect with me in that I was in a serious relationship. Well there goes that one. But now I feel truly free. Free to go wherever, do whatever. All I can do is thank Kev for realizing that we were both holding eachother back from what we truly wanted to do in this world and to thank him for letting me go. This life here isn't for me. I don't want the car, I don't want the house, I don't want the serious commitment at this juncture in my life. My happiness stems from exploring. From making priceless memories. We have only one life to live. I don't ever want to say, "I wish I would've...".
      People take this life way too seriously. We're all going to die.  People continually advocate for "Save the Planet". The planet's not going anywhere, buddy. It's humans that are going to die. The planet has survived the switching of the poles, a ferrous atmosphere, ice ages, dinosaurs, evolving chimpanzees, shake weights etc. It's us that are all going to be wiped out (as we deserve to be). So why sit around holding onto essentially meaningless material goods? Why sit around and complain about how broke you are, how much you hate your job? I'm not running from anything. I don't have any problems that I'm running from. I have a life filled with the most amazing friends from all over the world, families on three different continents, beautiful memories of fleeting relationships with strangers and the acts of kindness given freely, and the

My host fam in Australia

yearning to know more and to grow more.
      I consider it a privilege to say that I don't believe in the construct of "God". I do however believe in a natural energy of the universe. A natural eb and flow that makes the world go round and creates a randomness that directly effects our lives on a daily basis. I want to work with that eb and flow... not against it. I've accepted that I'll probably work menial jobs for the rest of my life and that I won't be able to retire early but I sleep soundly at night knowing that life will always work out the way it should. All we can do is try to guide ourselves in the direction we want to go and do something every single day that makes us happy, whatever that something may be.
  I'm not running away from anything, I'm running freely and unabashedly to a better understanding that this world is a beautiful place. Filled with the most exquisite individuals that are often just misunderstood or pitted against eachother in the interest of the government. We shouldn't settle for complacency. My advice to the world: Just keep on keeping on, my friends. Keep on keeping on.